2017/03/07

Enthusiasm


I've been thinking about enthusiasm a lot lately.

I spent most of last year underwhelmed. Music and books and films that I used to find compelling didn't hold my interest. I didn't want to go out and try things new things. I don't even remember what I did with most of my time outside of work, which I think is the most telling. I didn't notice for a long time, and once I did it started to scare me. I would read through old blog posts and journals and I'd get upset because I knew the girl who wrote them, and I missed her.

I don't think I was properly unwell, but I'm certain I was not myself. No one noticed, at least I don't think they did. I let that hurt me more than I should have.

I'm not sure what flipped the switch - I've been trying to pinpoint it and I can't think of a singular thing, just several contributing factors. A decreased workload because of the holidays. Several long conversations with my Heavenly Father in the temple. And, truthfully, a whole lot of grilled cheese sandwiches. I can think of one moment when I thought everything would be okay. A week and a half before Christmas, my brother came into town for a wedding. He met up with my after work on a Friday. We went to dinner at a restaurant in Shaw and then to see A Christmas Carol at Ford's Theatre. It was fabulous. The food was delicious and the show was amazing and it was a night when I thought I may be on the upswing.

It came back slowly. A night all by myself watching Pride and Prejudice and rewinding the good parts. A conversation with a student at work where I launched into an impassioned defense of the Oxford comma. A walk through the National Portrait Gallery with my brother and sister-in-law on New Year's Eve.

And then it came in droves. My obsession with Victoria (and The Game and Dancing on the Edge . . . I'm clearly into Tom Hughes). The 16 books I've read and listened to since January 1st. Waking up early on my day off to take pictures of the monuments at sunrise.

It feels good - SO GOOD. Even better than I anticipated.

Here's to enthusiasm.

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