I've been really quiet in this space for a long time. It's mostly because I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm in transition. It seems like everything in my life is tentative and could change at any moment, thus I'm far too afraid to say anything for fear of it changing and having to recant. This nervousness seemed to have seeped into every part of my life. I'm distracted. I find even the simplest of decisions leaves me a bit unsure. More often than I'd like to admit, I just don't make a decision. And if I think about things too much, I start to feel really lost.
The thing is nothing is actually changing.
That's what happens when you don't make decisions -- nothing changes. And all of this anxiety is energy poorly spent.
Last week, I met up with a friend from BYU who has just recently moved to DC. We got to talking a bit about what we were like the last time we'd seen each other two years ago, back when I was working on being Brave. It's a conversation I've been replaying in my head. For a little while, I remembered what that felt like.
While I certainly don't think the past two years have been a mistake or a failure, my chest feels hollow when I think about the person I was and why those habits that I worked so hard to form are fading. They're not all gone, but I'm not nearly as dedicated to it now. WHY? Why did I lose sight of one of the best decisions I've ever made, a decision that I have never once regretted?
I want to do that again. I want those habits to become second nature like they used to be, and I don't want to lose the skills I already have.
Here's to making decisions, and being Brave again.
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