2014/12/31

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I've spent the past several weeks thinking about this year and determined to work out its defining characteristics, it's thing. I went back to read my blog posts from the past year (there some cringy moments...sorry y'all). I read my journal and looked through my planner. 2013 was a "doing" year. Writing, speaking, serving, graduating, meeting, moving. I think back on this time last year, and I felt physically weak, like all of the effort of pushing through the year had somehow exhausted me of all my energy.

2014 brought a different kind of exhaustion. 2014 was an "enduring" year.

When I outlined at the beginning of the year that I wanted to live intentionally, I had a very different vision for what I was going to accomplish. I wanted this to be the year I started to get it together and stopped being so all-over-the-place. A solid budget, a good skincare routine, start watching the news. The works. Foolishness, right? Very few of those things happened. Some did. I'm a pro at washing off my makeup before bed. Most, however, fell through the cracks embarrassingly quickly. I noticed early on that those things, regardless of my hopes for them, were not the matters that demanded my attention immediately.

Instead, I needed to reevaluate the things I had together, or rather the things I thought I had together. It was frustrating to have to go back to square one, and honestly most of the year felt like I was fighting to keep my head above water. I'm glad that I had learned to be brave, because I'm not sure how I would have done it otherwise. Hard times came; I just had to outlast them. I came, I saw, and now it's over. On to the next.

Not everything went poorly. I took a job that I really really enjoy working with people who inspire me. I bought my first bed, which has felt hugely significant for me. I did really well in my classes. I spent a summer adventuring in DC. 2014 did have its moments.

I'm looking forward to another "doing" year. 2015 already has some pretty exciting plans. I'll take my first trip across the Atlantic to spend spring break in Scotland. May brings my graduation and a masters degree. Hopefully, my first job follows soon after. It should be difficult, but I've got a good feeling.

Here's to the New Year.

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