When I was growing up, my mom was adamant that she was not my friend. She was my mother, and it was her job to raise me and that meant we weren't friends. We weren't on equal footing. When she told me this, I got quite upset. All of my friends could be friends with their mother. My friend even called her mom by her first name. I got scolded when I did that (though I will admit that in the past year I have taken to calling both of my parents by their first names when I'm being sassy; it's a bad habit that I need to break on account of not being very respectful). But my mom held strong. "I am you mother. I'm not your best friend."
I came to peace with that. It's true that her job was to raise me, to teach me. And it didn't change the fact that she was still the one I went shopping with, talked about boys with, cried to when I had a bad day, and even shared shoes (I went through a phase where I always stole her saltwater sandals). But she also taught me to drive, and came to my rescue after an accident in the high school parking lot. She sat by me in church and taught my seminary class. She fixed my meals, and I couldn't be excused from the dinner table without her say so.
Since I left Florida almost four years ago, Mom and I have kept in close contact. I call her almost everyday, probably more than all five of my siblings combined. I tell her about my classes, my worries, and the cute guy I'd like to get to know. She listens and tells me that it sounds great. I ask about her life. She tells me what errands she and Grandma are running today. She tells me about the young women she works with at church. She tells me about Dad and my brothers who are off serving missions. Mom isn't one to complain, but she does talk to me about things that are hard sometimes. We talk about things we didn't talk about when I was living at home.
While I was home last week for spring break, Mom and I talked about this. She informed me that since I'm an adult now, she and I can be friends.
She's still my mother.
She will be my mother forever.
But being friends with Mom makes me realize that she is proud of me and she trusts me to make my own adult decisions. She doesn't always have to parent me anymore. Instead, she listens and gives advice, but always lets me make the final decision. And she respects that decision.
I like this. I like learning about Mom and getting to share more with her.
And I can't help but smile, like a childhood dream has been fulfilled, when I think, "I'm friends with my mother."
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