The Year I Lived Bravely

In The Year I Lived Bravely, I embraced wearing skinny jeans because I really liked how my hips look in them.  I looked people in the eye, instead of at the ground.  I called Mom just a little less and wrote things in my journal a little more, trying to get through things without complaining as much (whether or not I succeeded is less certain).  I made friends with that person, in fact several people, I had wanted to talk to for a long time, but had been too shy.  In The Year I Lived Bravely, I told someone on the street that her tag was sticking out of her sweater, and helped a man pick up books when the shelf broke at the bookstore.  I ran my first 5k.  I started voicing the complimentary things I think, but never would have said out loud.

In The Year I Lived Bravely, I did ridiculous things.  I read Shakespeare and joined my first intramural team.  I sang karaoke, which I'm still embarrassingly proud of.  I told a girl I didn't know that I really liked her eyebrows.  I jumped off the high-dive at Wakulla Springs for the first time in a very long time.  I took a class on economic history, which was a mistake but I still passed! I answered the phones at work (which takes all sorts of bravery when you've been out of practice).  I convinced Grandma to take a selfie with me.  I wore red lipstick for the first time.

In The Year I Lived Bravely, I packed my things, said goodbye to some of the best people I've ever known, and moved 1800 miles. I wrote lots of angsty and depressing posts on this blog because that's what I was feeling, which is embarrassing, but I didn't want to lie about it.  I finally made friends. I got started looking for inspiration everywhere, and found things to get excited about.  In The Year I Lived Bravely, I tried to keep better contact with my siblings and friends.  I wrote letters and made phone calls.  I said yes to hard things, and yes to the easy ones, because just because it's easy doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

In The Year I Lived Bravely, I have said more prayers and cried more tears than I think ever before.  I have taken more showers when I need to think things through, because what better place to think than to shower.  I have asked more questions and learned more truths, and stopped believing things that were false.  I stretched further than I thought I could.  I stopped myself from saying things I shouldn't say and convinced myself to say the things I needed to.  I apologized more often and quicker than I ever had.  I also smiled more than ever.  I smiled in relief that certain things were over. I smiled because I had done something I didn't think I could do.  I smiled simply because I had more things to be happy about than things to upset by.  I tried to trust God and remember just how wonderful He is, because He always took care of me.  Always.

And life was so much better.  Everything about it.  I had way better stories to tell at the end of the day.  My Pinterest boards are way cooler.  My music library expanded , and I now have a taste for carrots and hummus.  I'm way better at the hard stuff, like keeping conversation going and navigating a public restroom.  I talk to people I don't know (though not usually in public restrooms).  I say prayers out loud in my car and at my desk and quietly in the corners of crowded rooms.  I'm happy.

And I'm sad to see it go.  I'm sad that in a few days, The Year I Lived Bravely will be over, and somehow I'll have to keep being brave without that distinction.  But I certainly will keep going.

Robert Henri wrote in The Art Spirit that "it takes a tremendous amount of courage to be young, to continue growing-- not to settle and accept."  And I think he understood what I took an entire year to learn.  That life is better, more fulfilling, more exciting, and flourishes when you're Brave.